Its Internal

Maybe its just me, but have you ever been having a decent day, not the best or the worst, but everything is basically okay and you get in a really bad mood? Happens to me all the time. And today, as I was with some friends this happened.  I got randomly quiet and killed my own mood. The problem is what I think about. It has nothing to do whatsoever with the people I am with nor does it have to do with my surroundings, but I become depressed almost instantly. I don't know what to do either at moments like these. To those around me I am "pouting" but to me I am dealing with an internal conflict. I feel sorry for the people who have to be around a Debbie Downer, lets just say, but I can't exactly control my subconscious. Apologies to all who feel that they've wasted their time by reading this, but as I'm sure you could've guessed, I am in said mood.

I Want a New Name.

Something catchy, something to remember. I want to be discovered. For what? I don't know. I want people to think of me and smile, "oh I like her". It won't happen, because I try in the wrong ways; I don't. I don't want a fake reputation, I want a genuine one...

I want, I want. That's wrong. 

Why bother? I am content. But its a dream, and oh how I love to dream! I dream of roaming the world, living in poverty to experience other's ways of life; India, Africa, Rome, Nepal. Anywhere warm(: I dream of inspiration, to receive it, and to distribute it. I dream of a forever love that I honestly and truly doubt I will get. I dream of a rebirth worth my while. 

I'm tired of judgement and labels, and I am tired of everyone looking at me and thinking everything is perfect "don't worry about her, she has it good". Judgement and labels. Its called anguish, anyone else know the word? I don't doubt it. Its easy to assume that someone is okay, but why be lazy when it comes to something of this sort?

Don't lie. To yourself or otherwise. Who cares about the standard? "Standard"... funny concept, pretty imaginary, if you ask me. Don't try to please anybody save yourself. It won't matter in a few years if this friend   didn't like you or if you felt embarrassed at school because you dressed a certain way. It won't matter.

I want a new name, I need to change somehow, this comes from inside of me. 

U

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    i                              Q 

                        E.

there are no hipsters

The term "hipster's" has been thrown around a lot recently.   But what is a hipster, exactly? According to an unofficial definition, a hipster is "A Coffee drinking, novel reading, wayfarer wearing, oxford obsessing girl/guy who often will pretend to know everything about anything in pop culture spanning from the 1920's to now. Subsequently, they will pretend also not to like everything and anything in pop culture from the 1920's to now. May be seen wearing over sized or undersized, (but never the right sized)t shirt, which will undoubtedly be advertising some sort of movie that know one knows of and or band that know one knows of/likes. Most of them will say they 'get' where the wild things are and shun you for not thinking Spike Jonze is God. If you do not watch the Oscars they hate you. If you do watch the oscars they hate you. Pretty much: Every single one of the extras from Cleo from 5-7." (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hipster%20%282011%29) But how do so many people fall into this label of humanity? Is it so horrible to be different? Is it so horrible to be "mainstream"? There is no longer an acceptable social ranking.  Let's break this definition down. Coffee drinking-how many people do you know that drink coffee? Are they "hipsters"? Hmm. Ever read a book? Are you a hipster? And apparently its a crazy thing to dress in your own way. Of course, this is just one definition according the Urban Dictionary, but almost everyone knows how to classify a hipster.  Another stereotype of "hipster" is that they never admit to being one. Maybe its because they aren't.  Here's an example, me.  I wear Ghostbusters tees that fall off the shoulder, Beatles and Bob Marley band teas and always shorts that are cut up.  I hate coffee, but I drink an unbearable amount of tea.  The music on my iPod isn't well known at all, on the other hand some of it is.  My iPod is also 11 years old because I hate the new iPod technology.  I don't wear shoes unless I'm required to, and I walk almost everywhere I go (I don't know how to ride a bike nor do I have a car) I write poetry, and I've been doing so since I was about 7.  I dance.  Studio and drill team. I love meat but don't understand war.  So am I a hipster? I've been "accused" and naturally, I denied it. Not because I don't want to admit, but because I am not a hipster. I am nothing. I am me, I am a completely original person who falls under no category. And believe it or not, I've been sticking with that since before the term hipster was coined and over used. There are no hipsters, no nerds, no jocks.  These cliches are what tears us apart.  First of all why should it matter, and secondly who cares. Everyone is an original human being, and whether they choose to show it or not, they are not cans of soup and should not be labeled. And I suppose the most ironic thing that the world of "hipster" has to offer is they are now mainstream, due to all the publicity.  But most people have always been how they are before it was cool or loathed.  I just don't understand what the rave is.  There are of course wannabes, but you can never get rid of those, no matter what era or "group" you are a part of.  But hey, I'm not the only one dealing with this insignificant, yet somehow important issue. Tell me what you think, I love opinions.