Its Internal

Maybe its just me, but have you ever been having a decent day, not the best or the worst, but everything is basically okay and you get in a really bad mood? Happens to me all the time. And today, as I was with some friends this happened.  I got randomly quiet and killed my own mood. The problem is what I think about. It has nothing to do whatsoever with the people I am with nor does it have to do with my surroundings, but I become depressed almost instantly. I don't know what to do either at moments like these. To those around me I am "pouting" but to me I am dealing with an internal conflict. I feel sorry for the people who have to be around a Debbie Downer, lets just say, but I can't exactly control my subconscious. Apologies to all who feel that they've wasted their time by reading this, but as I'm sure you could've guessed, I am in said mood.

I Want a New Name.

Something catchy, something to remember. I want to be discovered. For what? I don't know. I want people to think of me and smile, "oh I like her". It won't happen, because I try in the wrong ways; I don't. I don't want a fake reputation, I want a genuine one...

I want, I want. That's wrong. 

Why bother? I am content. But its a dream, and oh how I love to dream! I dream of roaming the world, living in poverty to experience other's ways of life; India, Africa, Rome, Nepal. Anywhere warm(: I dream of inspiration, to receive it, and to distribute it. I dream of a forever love that I honestly and truly doubt I will get. I dream of a rebirth worth my while. 

I'm tired of judgement and labels, and I am tired of everyone looking at me and thinking everything is perfect "don't worry about her, she has it good". Judgement and labels. Its called anguish, anyone else know the word? I don't doubt it. Its easy to assume that someone is okay, but why be lazy when it comes to something of this sort?

Don't lie. To yourself or otherwise. Who cares about the standard? "Standard"... funny concept, pretty imaginary, if you ask me. Don't try to please anybody save yourself. It won't matter in a few years if this friend   didn't like you or if you felt embarrassed at school because you dressed a certain way. It won't matter.

I want a new name, I need to change somehow, this comes from inside of me. 

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